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Age:
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32
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Marital Status:
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Refer to the pre-nuptial agreement, section IV, subset III, paragraph 16.
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Occupation:
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General Counsel for Kwality Widgets
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Hometown:
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Rat Branch, Tennessee
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Luxury Item:
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Unintelligible vocabulary
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Liza is the General Counsel for Kwality Widgets, Inc. a company founded on the belief that mediocrity is nothing to be ashamed of, or avoided.
Growing up in an orphanage in Rat Branch, Tennessee, Liza credits her struggles to cope with the trauma of being parentless with her finely tuned skills in the art of confusion and manipulation. In actuality, Liza's parents were both attorneys in the Rat Branch area, but they felt that raising a child would inhibit their skyrocketing careers as patent lawyers in the poultry industry. So, they gave Liza up to the state in a pre-birth arrangement that included monthly contributions to the orphanage - and local city council.
This proved a difficult existence for Liza, but she was able to find solace in a pet rat that lived with her in the home. She named him Dad. Dad was the only one who truly understood Liza, and was always there for her. At least he was there until his untimely death in a cafeteria "accident".
As Kwality Widgets' General Counsel, Liza takes enormous pride in her ability to speak at length about subjects that neither interest nor have relevance to co-workers. Being fluent in legalese, Liza has utilized this skill to gain countless free meals, airline upgrades and vendor-related "benefits."
Liza looks forward to working with the team on see see eyeland this year so that she can display her overwhelming IQ and force others to recognize their own cerebral limitations.
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Color
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Black and white
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Smell
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Tar & Feathers - Smell information for the bio, established in mid-2001, has been restated on a pro forma basis for comparative purposes only for the full year 2001.
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Flower
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Lilacs
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Book
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Blanche Knott's "Truly Tasteless Lawyer Jokes"
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Music
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Information with respect to favorite music granted under the bio plan is as follows: Sharks and Minnows
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Actor
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Raymond Burr
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Movie
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Liar, Liar - The fair value of each cinematic release was estimated using the Foote -Scholes movie-critiquing model.
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Periodical
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Tilt magazine
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Food
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Opossum avec une sauce à fromage.
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Beverage
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Shark Bite - Included in this category are general and administrative expenses as well as Dark Rum, Orange Juice and Grenadine.
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Activity you'll miss the most
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Playing Sharktalk (see URL below)
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Comfort item you'll miss
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My framed copy of the "Cautionary Statement Regarding Forward-Looking Information" in my office.
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Allergies
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Plain English
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Poisonous snake
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"D.U.I. lawyers who advertise their services via mass media"
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Car
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Any vehicle with a net pre-tax charge equal to, or greater than expenditures included under "Other" in the Pension, Savings and Postretirement plan designated for the CEO's travel expense.
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Rat recipe
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That is utterly cruel.
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Web site
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www.nolo.com/sharktalk/ sharktalk_welcome.html
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Moment
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That moment late at night, when I'm lying in bed, and I get that warm feeling all over because of knowing that my job is infinitely secure. This being due to the fact that no one else has any idea what, why or how I do anything, they simply know that I am.
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Hurricane names
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The choosing of favorite hurricanes is in conformity with generally accepted environmental principles requiring management to make estimates and assumptions.
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Comic book character
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Johnny Cochran
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TV show
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Judge Judy
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Over-the-counter drug
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Prozac, which represents the excess of exhilaration over fair value or net stability acquired, is amortized on a straight-line basis over 40 years, which is the expected period to be benefited.
Further, while Prozac may not be considered an over-the-counter drug in the strictest sense of the phrase, I use it as prodigiously as I would Tylenol; therefore it does, for all intents and purposes, fulfill a function similar to an over-the-counter drug, and will be regarded as such.
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Statements in this bio that are not reported favorites or other historical information are "forward-looking favorites" within the meaning of the Private Favorites Reform Act of 1783.
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